AW Fall 2013: Lesson 7

11/8/2013

Hi everyone,

Just two more weeks and the most difficult part of our course will be over.

Paraphrasing:
In today's class, we learned about paraphrasing. This is another way we can include information into our research papers from our sources. When you paraphrase, you put the author’s ideas into your own words. Even if you want to use general facts from your source, you still have to paraphrase this information.

Remember that some paraphrases need in-text citation and some paraphrases do not require it.

general facts do NOT need in-text citation
opinions, statistics and information that is not common knowledge NEED in-text citation

Before you paraphrase, you have to identify shared language (= words that you cannot change) and find synonyms for words that you can change. This is the most important step in writing a good paraphrase.

This is a difficult skill to master and it often takes a long time to paraphrase information. I even have trouble paraphrasing when I have to prepare research papers, too. Be patient and don’t give up!

Homework:
1. Blog Comment #6
2. Correct Body Paragraph #1
3. Complete Body Paragraph #2

Submit Tuesday, November 12 by 12:00noon.

Blog Question #6:

Review the feedback on body paragraph #1

Are you satisfied with the feedback? Why or why not?
From this feedback, what two problems do you have with academic writing? How can you avoid these problems?
How long do you think it took me to check your body paragraph (in my free time)?

Write 10-12 sentences.
Use capitalization, punctuation & spelling correctly.
Submit by Wednesday, November 5 by 6:00pm.

Body Paragraph #2 Guidelines
File Size:	120 kb
File Type:	pdf

Download File

19 Comments

AW-Kyosuke

11/9/2013 11:16:25 pm

I’m satisfied with the feedback because I didn’t make any big mistakes on the Body Paragraph#1. Funnel organization and how to use in-text citation in BP#1 was good, so I’ll do my best for BP#2 and BP#3. The two problems I had with academic writing were the article such as “a” and “the” and the amount of information about supporting ideas. I can avoid the former by reading context carefully. However, it’ll be bit hard for me to avoid the latter. I guess I can avoid this problem only by reading many books and journals, doing a lot of research, and approaching from various angles. Also, I have to read various kinds of books not only about my topic, but about others to get much information. I guess it takes you about 30 minutes to check my body paragraph. If there were big and many mistakes in my body paragraph, it would take more than that. Also, I think you read my introduction, and outline to check whether I write research paper based on it. In addition, you always give me some comments on it. I always appreciate very much for what you’ve done for me.

AW-Keita

11/10/2013 02:15:17 pm

I'm not satisfied with the feedback because of my structual mistakes. I think I chose appropriate examples and wrote right examination, but I couldn't use right conjunctions like "therefore", "however" and "moreover". First of all, I must correct my Body paragraph so as to be much easier to understand what I want to tell following a proper style. Besides, I have to check my grammar mistakes. In my feedback, there are some grammar mistakes. I'll check my Body Paragraph #2 more carefully. I guess it took you about half an hour to check my paper. Moreover, there often would a various of grammar or structual mistakes on my (or our) paper. Those make you so tired and take your precious free time. I appreciate you for your regard to our skills to write a special paper precisely.

AW-Yukis

11/10/2013 09:45:23 pm

I would say I am not wholly satisfied with the feedback on the paper because I am hungry in learning. Therefore I must ask Nicole for more advice in the class, and I am satisfied. It really helps me improve my English. Thank you Nicole! One of my problems is that I am not good at summarizing the contents. I need to learn more about what to paraphrase and what to quote directly. Another problem is that I often omit articles. Although it is very simple, I still forget it. Moreover, sometimes I don’t know when to put “the”. Maybe I have to read newspaper or English books to get the tricks of it. I guess it takes at least 15 minutes per a research paper. In total, it would be about 5 hours, which means we really need to appreciate it.

AW-Hitomi

11/11/2013 12:47:46 am

I am surely satisfied with your feedback. It's because you showed me what to rewrite or rethink in order to be able to write better one. I can learn not only grammatical mistakes, but also other rhetoric in English. I have troubles, such as writing style and writing long sentence. I have to be careful to write name of experts first if needed. Also, I will try not to write too long sentence, like thinking where I can cut the sentence a half. Well, it's kind of hard to guess how long it takes you to check our paper. I think it would be about one hour per student. I would like to show you my gratitude for your hard work.

AW-Utako

11/11/2013 03:29:10 pm

I don't have feedback because I was absent from last class. So, I want to write about the review of my paper. In paragraph#1, I wrote about babies' crying as their communication tool. I think I repeated same words or contents in a paragraph. I needed to transfer into other words or phrase. Secondly, I should have used funnel organization more clearly. I tried to be careful of this point in writing, but I think it's better if I could do this more.
I think it took you about 15 to 30 minutes to check my body paragraph#1. It's easy for you to just read my body paragraph because English is your native language. But, you wrote comments or checks. I think this work may take much time.

AW-Moe

11/11/2013 09:02:29 pm

I am really satisfied with your feedback because I can find out some mistakes to rewrite and I get the chance to make it better.. For example, I had some too long sentence in my BP#1, but after your checking, they become easy to read. Moreover, because of this, my BP#1 become a little short as a research paper, so I have to research about my topic again and add good information to BP#1.
As this blog shows, you have many classes, not only this course but also other classes, moreover each classes may have more than 10 students, so I think you can not take a lot of time for only our class. However, I think you take as many time as you can, maybe about 20 to 40 minutes per student. I really thank to your helping.

AW: Haruna Tajima

11/11/2013 11:53:20 pm

I'm satisfied with the feedback because I could know what is wrong with my writing skill cclearly from the feedback. Not only that, I could learn right expression or grammar.
One of my two problem with academic writing is that I sometimes use wrong racial description, so I have to pay attention to vocabulary and learn right description to avoid this problem.
Another problem is that analysis was not enough, because I focused upon organizing my ideas too much. To avoid this problem, I would read more refernces and analyze my topic more deeply.
Finally, I think it takes long time you to check my body paragraph because I made many mistakes and my sentences were complicated. Furthermore, because your feedback was so careful, you must have spent a lot of time. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help. I'll do my best to write the best research paper in my life.

AW-Daiki

11/12/2013 12:46:01 am

I am satisfied with feedback because I can find out my problems. On the basis of feedback, I can make my paper better. One of my probrems is articles. I often mistake how to use "a" and "the", so I can avoid this by thinking deeply which one is better when I write my paper. Another problem is grammar. I had many grammar mistakes, so in ordeer to avoid this, I need to read newspapers or books as many as possible. By larning from these, I can improve my grammar skills. It is hard for me to guess how long it took you to chech our body paragraphs because you have many classes. I think it took you about 20-30 minutes to chech each of our papers. You checked my body paragraph to the details. In addition, for even native English speakers like you, it might be hard to understand what we wanted to say in our papars and correct mistakes. I really appreciate your help.

AW-Naoko

11/12/2013 09:33:41 am

I love your class, but I have a point not to be satisfied with your feedback. This is that you recorect my sentense and show me the exact one, because for that all I have to do is just to type the exact sentenses after your feedback. I understand the difficulty to write grammatically right sentences, so we should practice more.
My first problem is to write more specific in the summary of supporting idea. I should check funnel organization again. Another ploblem is how to choice phrases. For Example, "on the other hand" or "while", or "both A and B" or "either A or B" and so on.
I think you spend a lot of time to give us feedback, maybe 5 or 6 hours for one class, because you said you could take your first weekend free last week. We should work hard for this class every week, but it is only us, you too. I'd like to thank you so much.

AW-Rina.T

11/12/2013 10:49:06 am

I'm satisfied with feedback because I can find mistakes and it is easy to rewrite. Moreover, in my bodyparagraph#1, there were not big organization mistakes. I'm satisfied with it, too. One of my problems with academic writing is that I usually have some plural mistakes. I have to check it again and again in grammar. Another problem is summary. In my body paragraph#1, I wrote the summary which is not make sense. I need to write summary which connect to each supporting ideas directly.
I think it takes a lot of time for you to check all students paper. I guess it takes 30 minutes per paper. I deeply appreciate your help.

AW-Yuri

11/12/2013 10:57:25 am

I'm satisfied with the feedback because I can understand my problems and how I should correct it. I can rewrite my body paragraph#1 better because you showed my mistakes exactly. One of my problems is a lack of imformation about America. I have to search more and collect imformation to write examples of America. Another problem is contents of the sentence. I should cut some unnecessary sentences and state more important things about my topic to avoid this problem. I think it took you about 30 minutes to check my body paragraph. You checked it carefully and showed exact sentences. Furthermore, you gave me some advices which is easy to understand. I think it is hard work for you, so I really appreciate it.

AW-Moena

11/12/2013 12:24:27 pm

I'm really satisfied with your feedback. It's because I can notice the mistakes of grammar and structure. Also, I can learn proper use of words and how to organize a paragraph in addition to the lecture in the class.
Two problems I have with academic writing are grammar and funnel organization. Especially, I have a lot of problems of article and preposition in terms of grammar. I think I can avoid these grammar problems by carefully writing and thinking about it which one I had better use. Next, funnel organization is difficult to practice for me but I think I can overcome this by reading sources carefully. Additionally, I have to organize my idea before writhing a paragraph.
Finally, I think it takes about 20 minutes to check one research paper. I am grateful to you.

AW-Sae

11/12/2013 12:46:15 pm

I'm not satisfied with my body paragraph#1 but I'm satisfied with the feedback because your comments are precise and easy to understand. You checked my BP#1 twice so I deeply appreciate your cooperation. My first problem was that I could not write my summary clearly. Therefore, I will try not to translate directly and make my summary clearly. Another problem was that I had chosen an example not to be connected to my sub topics. It is a big mistake and I will take care.
I think it took you about an hour to check my body paragraph#1 because I write it twice.Since you read my BP#1, check it and write comments a lot, you took much time. Then I would like to say thank you so much.

AW-Rina.S

11/12/2013 02:35:22 pm

I am satisfied with your feedback since it is clearly enough for me. I can understand my mistakes that you point out. I am satisfied with your feedback since it is clearly enough for me. I can understand my mistakes that you point out. In my body paragraph#1, I can incread my sources and organize my ideas logically. However, I have some useless word order and parapharases. Also, I can cut my sentences shorter. Finally, I guess that you use 15 to 30 minutes per student. I suppose you have to check our research papers twice.

AW-Ayana

11/12/2013 02:58:12 pm

I’m satisfied with the feedback because I am convinced with my Body Paragraph#1. Main problem is organization. So I need to organize my information more logically. Some of my ideas are not in complete sentences. So, I have to need specifically construction of my writing. The two problems I had with academic writing were the information about supporting ideas and explain why there is low participation in Japan. So I need to search for relevant information. I gave good information site for professor Takeda, so I want to study about that. I can avoid the not good informations.
Next, check time is very important in class. Therefore If I were big and many mistakes in my body paragraph, it would need more time. Also, I think you read my writing paper and careful analyzing and diagnosing. So you always stay till last time for my questions.
In addition, you always give me some comments.
I appreciate very much for you. Thank you so much.

AW-Shuhei

11/12/2013 03:15:45 pm

I'm satisfied with the feedback.It's because your comments point mistakes on my BP#1. I can't notice and correct mistakes by myself. By grace of your advice, I can make it better. I have two problem with academic writing. First, I make often mistake about grammar.Especially I make mistake about plural In order to avoid grammar mistake, I should carefully look research paper over again many time.Second, I often write same things.Before starting write, I should decide what i write not to write same things. I think checking time is proper. I always appreciate that you check my research paper with care.

AW-Naoki

11/12/2013 03:56:20 pm

I'm satisfied with the feedback. I worried especially whether I could summarize my supporting ideas and details well, but the feedback told me that was fine. In addition, it reassured me that I didn't make big grammatical mistakes though I made small ones. Two problems that I should be careful of in academic writing are use of a contraction and quotation marks. Firstly, I tend to contract There are, can not and among others, so I have to avoid doing so. Secondly, I often forget using punctuation inside quotation marks. Therefore I should care about it. I guess it takes you about 30 minutes to check students' assignments. It must be a hardwork, but the feedback gives me lots of useful lessons, so I greatly appreciate your advice. Thank you very much.

AW-Shota

11/12/2013 04:16:09 pm

Through this course, I have been corrected many times. It is embarrsaing to have my turned in essays covered in red. Yet, I am very thankful for the feedbacks. It allows me to look back what I have missed and learn from it. Sometimes, I have the problem of writing that is off the topics and making many miss spelling. I will have to become careful to these mistakes, since both can be avoided if I look more carefully. To do so, I will start using my short free times between classes. Normally, I do my tasks and assignments after lessons, but this new method will be a lot easier for me and prevent me from rushing. The mistakes I have made our countless. I'm afraid correcting my paper will take about an hour. I apologize, for assumingly taking a chunk out of your free time. Thanks.

AW-Saki

11/12/2013 09:58:58 pm

I satisfied with feedback about my body paragraph. I got a lot of useful comment to make my research paper better. For example, there were many grammar mistakes. Your comment always makes my sentence more clearly and I like to see my research paper getting better. I think my problem in writing my research paper is to care about grammar mistakes and words select. To tell my idea clearly, I need to choose words which fit to context. I think I can avoid these problems by learning words and grammar. I think you took an hour to correct my paper because I made a lot of mistakes. I am really appreciate you to use your free time to correct my paper. Thank you very much.

AW Fall 2013: Lesson 7

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