AW Lesson 5: Body Paragraphs

10/15/2015

Hi everyone,

We're one-third the way through our course! It's been a busy five weeks for sure!!

Body Paragraphs:
In today's lesson, we focused on the type of organization you'll have to use in your body paragraphs: funnel organization. This means that information is arranged in this way:
a. general --> topic sentence with subtopic
b. less general --> supporting ideas
c. specific --> details

We also learned about the different types of details that you can use in your body paragraph:
a. expert opinions
b. statistics
c. descriptions
d. facts

Keep in mind that descriptions and facts over overlap with each other. Many writers often use facts in their descriptions.

Outlines:
We also looked at how to prepare an outline. For your outlines, you need to include:
a. Topic sentences (in sentence-form)
b: supporting ideas (two for each body paragraph)
c. details (3-4 details for each supporting idea).

Remember that you can use note-form for your supporting ideas and details. You don't have to use sentence-form.

Introductions:
For the last part of our lesson, I returned your introduction with my comments. Make sure you start correcting your writing every week. In this way, you'll have less work to do when you have to submit your entire research paper.

If you were not in class, you will have to get your introduction in next week's class.

Homework:
1. Blog Comment #5
2. Research Paper Outline

due Tuesday, October 20 by 12 noon.
Use the Research Paper Outline Template. You can download the file at the end of the summary.
I will type my comments on your outline and email it back to you by Tuesday, October 20 between 6:00-9:00pm. Print out the outline and bring it to class.

Blog Question #4:

Review my comments on your Introduction. What three points (e.g. structure, grammar, etc.) do you need to pay attention to when you write body paragraph #1?

Write 8-10 sentences.
Use capitalization, punctuation & spelling correctly.
Submit by Wednesday, October 21 by 6:00pm.

22 Comments

AW-Shinji

10/18/2015 05:34:55 am

There are three major point that I need to be careful when I write my body paragraphs.
First, I always tend to forget the distinction of the capitalization of the first letter, so I should pay attention to it. Secondly, my introduction style was a little bit disordered. Therefore, I thought that my body paragraphs need to be constructed more orderly.
Finally, there were a lot of grammar mistakes in my introduction. Thus, I tried to write the body paragraph more precisely.

AW-Saeko

10/18/2015 08:00:41 pm

Hi Nicole,

I could find many mistakes after your revisions, thank you. From your revisions, I found the most important three points I need to pay attention to when I write body paragraph. First is plural. There was a lot of lack of plural. I don't care it carefully when I always write sentences, so I want to pay attention to that cautiously.
Secondly, what I don't use "It is said~" and "It is decided~". These become empty subjects, so I want to write person's name clearly instead of using them. Thirdly, the use of an article especially the proper use of "a" and "the"and lack of it. Therefore, I want to check "Is this noun used before?" or "Do I need to write an article?"

Thanks,
Saeko

AW-Nanami

10/19/2015 05:43:35 pm

First, I need to use the plurals right. There were a lot of corrections made by that in my introduction. I should keep an eye on them when I'm writing my body paragraph.
Secondly, I need to make sure that the sentences are on the right track. There was no problem in my introduction, but I thought I have to be cautious for it anyway. Body paragraph is the main part of my research paper, so I don't want it to be messed up.
Finally, I need to pay attention to the types of details needed in the body paragraph. My introduction doesn't include a lot of details like the expert opinion. I thought I have to put in a lot of details in my body paragraph. I need to use my resources very wisely.

AW-Rika

10/19/2015 07:58:33 pm

Hi Nicole,

First of all, I made a lot of word form mistakes in my introduction especially with the words individualism and collectivism. These two words will be used many times in the body paragraph, so I'll make sure they're in a correct form.
Another point I have to keep in mind is using the same word over and over again in one sentence. I'll use the synonym dictionary I have at home.
Also, I'm going to be talking about many countries as an example, so I'll make sure the names and spellings of the countries are correct.

Thanks, Rika

AW-Nagisa

10/19/2015 10:32:37 pm

Hi Nicole,

I made a mistake as three points: information, a grammar, and a distance with a topic.
first, I have to take care of information I write down in an introduction. I thought about comparing with what I write down in an introduction, and what I do in a body paragraph strongly, and as a result, I took care of not writing what I would write down in a body paragraph, and I wrote down too general information that is not related to the topic directly. A teacher said this is a Japanese style that is so philosophical. So, I will take care of writing something related to the topic directly every time from now on.
Secondly, I made a mistake about a grammar. In detail, I couldn't connect sentences smoothly one by one. For example, after writing a sentence using 'Defoe and Swift,' I used the words again in the next sentence, though these two sentences connect strongly.
Finally, I thought that I have to write it with thinking about a key word. In writing an introduction, key words were not clear for me, so I made a mistake about how specific information is needed. From now on, I will think what I want to say finally by writing this paper with some key words, and write it.
I made a big mistake at this time, but thanks to that, I understood what is necessary in writing an English paper, so this was a good experience for me.

Thanks,
Nagisa

AW-Mayu

10/20/2015 07:41:10 am

Hi Nicole,

First, I think I need to use words more formally. For example, use "therefore" instead of "so" or use "do not" instead of "don't". I found some casual using of words in my introduction, so I'll try not to use such casual words when I write my body paragraphs.
Secondly, I have to use correct word forms like past tense or plurals. I sometimes overlook such mistakes and can't notice them until those are pointed out by professor. So I'll aware of such things, too.
Finally, I think I need to be careful not to repeat same contents for many times. I did this in my hook statements, so I'll make sure not to do this by reading over the sentences while I'm writing my body paragraphs.

Thanks,
Mayu

AW-Ruka

10/20/2015 07:58:08 am

There are many points that I sometimes make a same mistake.
First, I make mistakes on spelling. It makes hard to be understood.
Second, I sometimes use wrong words. This kind of mistakes are difficult to find out. But it is so important to appropriate words in order to tell what I want to.
Third, I always write by indirect way. It is so wasteful and not clear.
I want to pay attention to these things and write better paragraph.

AW-Nami

10/20/2015 02:13:35 pm

I first thought that I had many structure mistakes because I'm really bad at writing. However it turned out to be that I had many grammar mistakes. I felt relief to know the structure was ok but at the same time I was sad to know that my grammars were wrong. From the next time I write something I guess I would have to check my grammars carefully.
Secondly I thought that my introduction was shorter than the other people. I must have had lack in my research. I think I'll need to write longer paragraphs on the other parts.

AW-Misa

10/20/2015 07:37:08 pm

My introduction has little many errors of wording. The order of sentence is important. I have to write the way that readers are interested in my research paper and easy to understand. I'll pay attention this when I write body paragraphs. There were some other mistakes. One of them is plural form. It's little difficult for Japanese. However, I'll try to write my research paper without them.

AW-Kana

10/20/2015 07:57:11 pm

Hi Nicole,

There were a lot of mistakes in my paper. The first one is, when I want to write, "can not" or "could not", I tend to write, "can't" or "couldn't". So, I have to write "can not"or "could not". Secondly, I made some verb tense mistakes. It's hard for me to determine which one to use when I write sentences so I have to be aware of it. Finally, I made some article mistakes. I have to make sure I use correct articles because it sometimes changes meaning if I use the wrong one.　Overall, I did not make big mistakes, but I made many small mistakes. They will make my paper look bad, so I have to be careful when I write body paragraph.

Thanks,
Kana

AW-Kanako

10/20/2015 08:25:44 pm

Hi Nicole.

I found that I need to focus on the subject. When I wrote my introduction, I tried to make it longer and because of that there were so much unnecessary information.
As second point, it's similar to first, my introduction had repeated the same words or even the same content. I guess the reason is same as first.
And this is what Nicole commented, I should be in neutral position between Japan and America. My writing was on the Japan side more than U.S..
Through writing introduction, I felt that I should confirm what I wrote to make sure whether it argues off the point again and again.

AW-Kotoe

10/20/2015 08:39:45 pm

Hi, Nicole

First of all, thank you for correcting my English. The first thing that I have to keep in my mind is the hook sentence. As pointed out, my hook sentence is not good enough to attract attention from readers. Actually, I was not confident to say that my hook sentence is attractive. In order to improve my hook sentence, I think I should read some articles to get hints form those who write good hook sentence in their articles, and then I should reconsider how my hook sentence can be better. Another point where I have to keep in my mind is the plural. It happens a lot that I forget to make the world plural. So, I have to review my article much more carefully. Finally, I also have to be careful of playing the definite article or indefinite article like " the" or " a" . It is likely to be overlooked, so I am gonna be careful about that as well.

Thanks,
Kotoe

AW-Yuya

10/20/2015 08:44:44 pm

Hi,Nicole

For me, I think three points of things we need to write body paragraph are physical representation, symbols, and quotes. These are problems I had when making outline of mine.
First, physical representation is needed when writing body paragraphs because it is important to explain clearly about topic sentence.
Second, symbols are also important in making body paragraph. This connects directly to physical representation because we need exact symbols to write about them. The more we represent symbols in body paragraph, the more interest can readers get.
Last, quotes are useful in body paragraph. When we put symbols in more detail, we have to make more credible about information we give. Quotes have power to make information true, and can get readers understand the topic easily.

AW-Yoko

10/20/2015 09:04:50 pm

Hello, Nicole.

I learned that I should pay attention to grammar and how to describe my idea or information from your comments. First of all, there were a lot of errors in grammar, especially plural. Sometimes, it is a little difficult for me to separate the singular and plural. In addition, I often forget to be careful not to make plural mistakes because I’m preoccupied with other things like words or sentences. I try not to make such small errors next time. Second, I need to keep not repeating the same information and writing clearer and more simple sentences in mind. On my introduction, there were many parts which I should cut because of repetitive information. In addition, my introduction was lack in unity, so you advised me to change words more simple, make sentences shorter and combine two sentences into one. I learned that I tended to write similar information on essay and I should classify data more carefully. Moreover, I also need to try to write plainer sentences. I will pay attention to above three points and write a more organized body paragraph.

Thanks,
Yoko

AW-Taiki

10/20/2015 10:20:29 pm

Hello, nicole.

First of all, I understood that I should use the words "Americans" instead of "American people" from your comment. The former was more formal to write an essay. In addition, I realized that I should also change "Japanese people" into "Japanese".
Next, I made many mistakes about plural. It is difficult for me to understand words I use in my essay should be written in plural, but I will look over my essay before handing it in.
Finally, I forgot to write in-text citation although I had learned about it last semester. What is worse, I do not remember hoe to write it. However, I heard that I can learn it again in your class, so I will make sure to write correct in-text citations.

AW-Akimitsu

10/20/2015 10:47:58 pm

Hi,nicole.

I didn't handed in my introduction, so I wasn't be able to get correction, but I reviewed my introduction by myself. In my introduction, there are some bad point. First, I used same word many times. I have ever heard that don't repeat same word in English essay. Nevertheless, I don't master this skill. Finally, I took mistake about the usage of conjunction. It could be found during writing my introduction. Maybe I have a tendency to use conjunction with wrong way. On the basis of my review, I will pay attention to using conjunction and avoiding repetition the similar word.

AW-Natsuki

10/20/2015 11:31:59 pm

Hi, Nicole

First of all, I wrote my introduction in a different style. That was very big and obvious mistake. I have to check my writing style carefully.
Next, I have to pay attention to structure. I wrote my introduction in Japanese way; I mean, I wrote very general things and these are not related directly. And,then, I wrote about topic. In correct way of Academic Writing, first, we must write a topic then write as funnel. I must not write things which are not related to topics directly.
Lastly, I need to take care about grammar. My draft has grammar mistakes little bit. I have to check myself about my grammar, especially definite articles.

AW-Asa

10/21/2015 12:06:15 am

The first thing that I need to pay attention is grammatical errors. I do not think that I made a huge mistake, but there are some small errors. I should be able to write with less errors. Also, my essay does not really have a funnel structure. I obviously tried to use the structure, but I found it challenging. I should consider the order the sentences more when write the body paragraph. Finally, I should be capable to write sentences that is easy for readers to understand. I need to pay attention if readers can really understand what I am writing or trying to tell.

AWーKazuna

10/21/2015 12:56:16 am

Hi, Nicole.

This is my answer to Blog question.

For answering blog question, I reviewed my introduction again and I found my weak point. First thing of my three weak point is , as many student say, grammatical mistakes. I some times do capitalization and plural mistakes. I think this problem is caused by lack of concentration, therefore when I write my research paper, I should be careful. And second thing is transition word because I sometimes use same transition word many times in one paper. It is typical weak point, so I should also be careful. The last thing I think the weakest point of my writing is spelling. Why I think so, because I always forget spelling of difficult, complexed or using consecutive words like intelligent. Because of these problem, I should be careful when I write research paper I think.

AW-Ayaka

10/21/2015 01:16:17 am

Hi Nicole,

I have many mistakes in my introduction. Especially I should pay attention to grammar, word choice and structure. Always I have a lot of grammar errors when I write essay, especially article, such as “a” and “the.” I have not understood the difference between them, and usage correctly yet. Even now, writing this blog post, I’m not sure I'm using collect article. Also I have to be careful in word choice, because there are some mistakes of noun and verb in my introduction. I think I should choose words carefully using dictionary. Moreover, structure is important when I write easy to understand research paper. I would like to write each body paragraph with well organized structure.

AW-Natsumi

10/21/2015 09:06:35 pm

Hello, Nicole,

I am very sorry for posting late.

In my introduction, I had problem about singular and plural form. Although I have learned English since junior high school, numeral and article are still very difficult for me. I also did not understand the difference between "because" and "so that". Both of them have similar meaning, though, they are slightly different. You added some sentences for my introduction which helped mine more stable. I found my explanation was not enough to introduce my thesis. For writing my BP#1, I will take care to organize my idea in sequence. Also I should search grammar by using dictionary when I am confused.

10/21/2015 09:52:39 pm

I am afraid I misunderstood the meaning of "so that".

I notice there may be a lot of idioms that I mistake the meanings.

AW Lesson 5: Body Paragraphs

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