IE3 Writing: Lesson 9

11/30/2015

Hi everyone!

We've finished our classification essay, and we're now starting our next essay, a persuasion essay.

Persuasion Essay:
In today's lesson, we started our next essay: the persuasion essay. We learned about the purpose and structure of a persuasion essay.

A persuasion essay gives the writer's opinion on a topic and the writer wants to convince the reader to support his/her position (either for or against something).

We also brainstormed a variety of topics that you can choose from for your topic. For this essay, you'll give your position (for or against) on a controversial topic.

Introduction Structure:
We also learned about the different parts of an introduction for a persuasion essay:
a. hook
b. general statements: information about both positions
c. thesis statement

You can choose from four different hooks:
a. quotes
b. questions
c. statistics
d. interesting facts

If you weren't in class today, make sure to download the Model Persuasion Essay, Writing your Introduction, and Introduction Guidelines. You can find these materials in the "Lesson Materials" section.

Homework:

Submit topic by Line message by Thursday, November 26 by 12:00 noon.
Submit thesis statement as a blog comment by Friday, November 27 by 12:00 noon.
Bring three sources about your topic to class next week (English only).
Write your introduction

email by Monday, November 30 by 12:00 noon

Blog Question #7:

Write your thesis statement.

You need to give your topic, your position (for or against) and your two reasons.

Write 2-3 sentences.
Use capitalization, punctuation & spelling correctly.
Submit by Friday, November 27 by 12:00 noon

32 Comments

IE3W-Ryoma

11/24/2015 11:21:16 pm

The Olympics prosper the infrastructure, tourism in Tokyo, and it could have a big impact on the employment rate. For these reasons, it is vital to hold the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.

Nicole

11/24/2015 11:30:18 pm

Hi Ryoma,

You need only two reasons (reason #1 is for BP#1 and reason #2 is for BP#2).

You can rewrite your thesis as:

Holding the Olympics will help build much needed infrastructure and increase tourism. For these reasons, it is vital to have the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo.

Note:
The employment rate will only increase for the time of the Olympics. It will not continue after. The Olympics usually create debt for the host country.

IE-W-Saki.n

11/24/2015 11:26:40 pm

Tablets should be used in the classroom because,using a tablet is lower cost than buying textbooks, and it fits the lifestyle for children these days.

11/25/2015 01:12:02 am

Hi Saki N.,

For your second reason, you need to be more specific. You need to directly explain the benefit of tablets for students. Lifestyle is too general.

You can say "tablets help students learn better and more quickly."

Rewritten thesis:

It is better to use tablets than textbooks in the classroom because they help students learn better and more quickly, and they cost less than textbooks.

Make sure you use your new thesis in your introduction. Also, you can use this website to get information about your topic: http://tablets-textbooks.procon.org

IE3-W Haruka

11/25/2015 06:10:19 pm

I am for to keep animals in zoo because animals can live safe and longer than living in the wild and can surely leave their offsprings.

11/25/2015 09:57:48 pm

Hi Haruka,

First, you need to write your thesis in the third person. You can use the 1st person. Please see my corrections the thesis statements of other students to help you write in the 3rd person.

Second, your reasons are too similar (e.g. since they are safer, they can have offspring).

For reason #1: because endangered species can be ensured their survival (You should focus on endangered species. In the wild, it is not good if there are too many of one species because this can affect the balance of nature).

For reason #2: It's a good idea to explain about how zoos provide education about animals and ecosystems.

Here's a website with more reasons: http://animal-facts.org/animals-kept-in-zoos/

IE3W-Hideaki

11/26/2015 12:52:41 am

Animal testing undermines welfare of animals and also its results will not always be reliable for humans. For these reasons, avoiding animal testing is more important than doing that.

11/26/2015 10:12:47 pm

Hi Hideaki,

Wow! This is a great thesis statement. Very well-written.

For the last sentence, you can say:

For these reasons, we should not test on animals.

IE3W-Ryosuke

11/26/2015 03:00:33 am

Indeed, the death penalty must act as a deterrent to crime by its principle: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and, more or less, fill a sense of vengeance which is in people having relation to victims of crimes. For the above two reasons, maintaining the death penalty is more appropriate than abolishing it in Japan.

11/26/2015 10:15:32 pm

Hi Ryosuke,

Your reasons are clearly stated, however, your writing is too emotional for a persuasion essay (e.g. "sense of vengeance" makes your position see emotional).

You can rewrite your thesis as:

"Indeed, the death penalty can act as a deterrent and give the families of victims a sense of justice. For these reasons, the death penalty should not be abolished."

Great work!

IE3W-Takumi

11/26/2015 04:54:31 am

My topic is about performance-based pay.

Japan should introduce the performance-based pay because of following two reasons. Firstly, they can motivate employees because employees doesn't be evaluated by their age and educational backgrounds. Secoundly, because they will be evaluated by their ability, their skills will be better than now.

11/26/2015 10:17:39 pm

Hi Takumi,

Great reasons! You can rewrite your thesis a little more concisely as:

"Japanese companies should introduce performance-based pay for the following reasons. First, it can motivate employees to work harder; and second, it will improve the skills of employees.

Great work!

Saki U.

11/26/2015 06:58:42 am

I am for hosting the Olympics.

Hosting the Olympics brings about some benefits. Thanks to this, a lot of tourists will come to the host country and we can build a good bond with other countries. Hoever, there is some disadvantages, too. There is a risk of terrorism. Also, since we spend money too much on the Olympics, the host county's economy will get worse.

11/26/2015 10:22:20 pm

Hi Saki U.,

For your thesis, you need to give only two reasons for your position (for hosting the Olympics).

You can rewrite your thesis as:

Tokyo should host the 2020 Summer Olympics because it will increase tourism and foster international understanding among countries.

Good work!

IE3W-Yuuka

11/26/2015 08:38:06 am

Japan should be more strict about smoking bans. Smoking makes you live less and it will also make the people around you live less by the second-hand smoke. Other country has already taken some countermesure against smoking, but Japan hasn't done enough. So Japan really needs to get going about it.

11/26/2015 10:24:48 pm

Hi Yuuka,

You have good reasons, but you need to write them more concisely.

You can rewrite your thesis as:

The Japanese government should ban smoking in public places. First, smoking is harmful to others through second-hand smoke; and second, Japan is far behind other developed countries when it comes to protecting public health from smoking.

Good work!

IE3W-Sae

11/26/2015 02:46:49 pm

Wearing school uniforms deprive students' right to express theirselves, and fee of uniforms impose a burden on their parents. For these reasons, students should not have to wear school uniforms.

11/26/2015 10:26:03 pm

Hi Sae,

I'm glad you are disagreeing. Many students usually support school uniforms.

Your thesis statement is very well-written. No corrections are necessary!

Great work!

IE3W-Shoko

11/26/2015 04:26:49 pm

Skipping grades can enable every children to study harder and also help to educate gifted children. For these two reasons, the system of skipping grades should be introduced.

11/26/2015 10:28:18 pm

Hi Shoko,

Very good reasons. You can rewrite your thesis as:

Skipping grades can motivate students to study harder, and can provided better learning opportunities for gifted students. For these reasons, the system of grade skipping should be introduced in Japan.

Great work!

IE3W-Kana

11/26/2015 05:50:56 pm

Euthanasia should not be legalized because nobody has a right to decide death, and legalization of euthanasia becomes silent pressure.

11/26/2015 10:36:58 pm

Hi Kana,

You have some general reasons, but you need to make them more specific for a thesis statement. For your first reason, you need to make it "religious" or "medical." For example:
(1) Those who believe in God think that only God has the right to decide when to end life.
or
(2) Doctors have a moral obligation to protect life, and not to end it.

For your second reason, you need to also be more specific. For example,

Those with serious illness may feel pressured to end their lives because of the financial burden of medical care on their families.

You need to rewrite your thesis statement with more specific reasons.

Good try!

Momona

11/26/2015 06:10:50 pm

The death penalty should remain because it can be an effective way to control the number of crimes. Moreover, it solves the problem of overpopulation in the prisons.

11/26/2015 10:40:15 pm

Hi Momona,

Your first reason is clear, but your second reason is very unethical. Killing prisoners is not an ethnical way to deal with overpopulation prisons in a democratic country. Also, it is not logical. The majority of prisoners are not in prison for murder, but for a variety of other crimes.

You can rewrite your thesis as:

The death penalty should not be abolished because it serves as a deterrent and ....

Give a new second reason.

IE3W-Yume

11/26/2015 06:49:13 pm

Indeed, euthanasia exposes vulnerable people to pressure to end their lives and there is other way to avoid unbearable pain. For these reason, euthanasia should not be legalized.

11/26/2015 10:42:05 pm

Hi Yume,

You reasons are clear, but your second reason needs to be more specific.

You can rewrite your thesis as:

Indeed, euthanasia exposes vulnerable people to pressure to end their lives, and developments pain killer medication can alleviate serious pain. For these reasons, euthanasia should not be legalised.

Good work!

IE3W-William

11/26/2015 06:59:42 pm

Death penalty has always been a subject which leads to a never ending augment. Most of the people who are for it says the feelings of victims and their families would not be satisfied if the death penalty is abolished, one the other hand people who are against it say it would be irrevocable if an accused person was in fact innocent.
But the answer is simple, perpetrators of heinous crimes should pay for their crimes with their own lives.

11/26/2015 10:43:35 pm

Hi William,

For your thesis statement, you need to clearly state your position and your two reasons. You only can one reason in an indirect way.

You can rewrite your thesis as:

The death penalty should not because abolished because it is a suitable punishment for heinous crimes and ....

Please give one more reason for your position.

Good work!

IE3W-Seicho

11/26/2015 08:21:47 pm

The most important attribute as an employee in a company is ability. Abilities are required in any kind of work. Companies want people with ability to work hard and efficiently. From a company point of view, a worker who can virtually help them is the best choice for them. So, if an employee does a better job than anybody else, he deserves a better paycheck.

11/26/2015 10:45:35 pm

Hi Seicho,

For your thesis statement, you need to directly state your topic, position and two reasons in just two sentences.

You can rewrite your thesis as:

Japanese companies should introduce performance-based pay because it will improve the skills of employees and ....

You need to give another reason for your position. Please see this article from the website to help you think of another reason: http://www.nicoletakeda.com/uploads/4/2/8/5/4285390/10_performance_-based_pay.pdf

Good work!

IE3W-Iyona

11/29/2015 05:54:20 pm

Animal testing can develop medical treatment and can save human and animal. Therefore animal testing Is necessary.

IE3 Writing: Lesson 9

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