IE3 Writing: Lesson 10

12/2/2015

Hi everyone,

Wow! We were sure busy in today's lesson. We had a lot to cover, but we got through everything.

Body Paragraphs:
We had a review of how to organize your ideas in your body paragraphs. Once again, you will need to use funnel organization. This means that information is arranged in this way:
a. general --> topic sentence with subtopic
b. less general --> supporting ideas
c. specific --> details

We also reviewed the different types of details that you can use in your body paragraph:
a. expert opinions
b. statistics
c. descriptions
d. facts
e. analyses

Keep in mind that descriptions and facts over overlap with each other. Many writers often use facts in their descriptions.

Outlines:
We also looked at how to prepare an outline. For your outlines, you need to include:
a. Topic sentences (in sentence-form)
b: supporting ideas (two for each body paragraph)
c. details (2 details for each supporting idea).

Remember that you can use note-form for your supporting ideas and details. You don't have to use sentence-form.

For your outlines, you need to download the "Outline Template" from the "Lesson Materials" section on the website.

Homework:
1. Blog Comment #8
2. Complete Outline

due Monday, December 7 by 12:00 noon

3. Complete Bibliography

due Tuesday, December 8 by12:00 noon.

Blog Question #8:

Read through your feedback on your outline.

Which three comments/corrections are the most important for you to help you write your body paragraphs? Why?

*Write 8-10 sentences.
*Use capitalization, punctuation & spelling correctly.
*Submit by Tuesday, December 8 by 6:00pm.

17 Comments

IE3W-Ryoma

12/6/2015 12:01:54 am

The topic of this blog was to give 3 comments that was important. However, the comment that Nicole gave me was 2, so I would like to say about that two. I, managed it to write the outlines by making the topic sentence broad. I think this was the key to my success. First one is that I should write what Japan needs to improve in the infrasructure now. Because,we need an example of what is needed now. Second one is that how we can pledge the world to stop fighting. The topic sentence of this was promoting peace, so I can't say this topic without how we can pledge peace.This is the essence of it.

IE3W-Sae

12/6/2015 04:32:35 pm

You gave me very helpful comments and corrections for each boby paragrah. In boby paragraqh1, I cited the US constitution for a detail, but your correction said I should use the Japanese constitution. It made me sence since I am Japanese and I am more familiar with Japanese society. For a topic sentence of boby paragraph 2, I only wrote it abstract. However, your correction made it more clear and readers can easily understand the topic is financial problems about school uniforms. I learned it is necessary to write topic sentence specific. As for body paragrah 3, you said I should give a statistic about bullying in Japan. I think it is very important because it can prove decreasing violence and wearing uniforms have no connections at all.

IE3W-hideaki

12/7/2015 12:26:45 am

I got two corrections in my essay.
So, I will write those two corrections.
Firstly, You gave me advice that I should explain abbreviation. When I am writing essays, I tend to forget that I am writing essays to readers to read it. Therefore, I could learn that importance of explaining the abstract words and abbreviation.
Also, you gave me correction that I should state my topic sentence stronger.
In my outline, I wrote vague topic sentence
: I wrote weak topic sentence.
So, I could realize that how to write topic sentences better thanks to your advice

IE3W-Yuuka

12/7/2015 04:13:36 am

I only got one correction comment on my outline. For this, I will write about that one correction I got. Writing ributtal was the one that took my time the most working on this outline. There is one reason why it took my time the most. It is that I thought I needed to have a perfect rebuttal that can persuade the reader. This is very important, but one of my rebuttal was not persuasive enough. So when I'm writing body paragraph 3, I thought I needed to be more careful writing and choosing reasons for rebuttal. From this, I also thought that though I didn't get big corrections on my body paragraph 1and 2, I still needed to be careful and well organized so that I can make a persuasive essay when I'm writing my body paragraph 1 and 2.

IE3W-Ryosuke

12/7/2015 04:17:33 am

Firstly, correction of one statistic is. Although I understood the statistic is not logical, I asuumed that the sentences that follow it help it to make sense. However, as you pointed out, it can not support my idea. So, I would like to choose another statistic which you game me as an alternative one.
Secondly, comment on one detail is. It is true that the sentence is clear. However, it is too weak in itself to support my idea. So, I would like to find a quote which can make the part stronger.
Finally, comment on another detail is. Although the fact is true, the detail is not so specific. So, as you pointed out, I would like to add some examples to it, in order to make it work as a detail.

IE3W-Takumi

12/7/2015 05:47:23 pm

The topic of this blog was to give three most helpful comments from Nicole. However, you gave me just words of praise and translation to better words, so I talk about those two comments. Firstly, your praise gave me a big confidence. Before handing in my outline, I was not sure whether my outline is reasonable or not, but I am sure my essay will be good now. Secondly, the translation is really helpful. Sometimes, my English doesn't make sense, so corrections from you make my essay better. I would like to do my best to write rest of my essay.

IE3W-Nanako

12/7/2015 06:22:06 pm

One of the three important things when I write persuasion essay is to give the exact examples. For example, I have to give the numbers of the rate to make my essay more persuadable. And the second one is to use the statistics. This is similar one to the first one. Statistics will make my essay clear. And the Last one is the importance of the counter-argument and rebuttal. If there is no counter-argument or rebuttal, I can't persuade readers. So I think they are really important for persuasion essay.

IE3W-Kanta

12/7/2015 06:23:28 pm

The 3 most important comments that would help me write my body paragraph was commen #3 5 and 6 I realized that I have to stay with my topic for my body paragraphs inorder to make it easier for the reader to understand. My topic was about legalized casinos and when I was talking about the ecoonomic growth of Japan, I started talking about recreational resorts. So I learned that I have to stay on track so that my essay would have more strength. I thought this because to me, a persuasive essay is an essay to convince the reader. If your words does not have any persuasiveness, then theres no meaning for the essay. So these comments helped me find out how to make my essay more persuasive.

Saki U.

12/7/2015 07:54:10 pm

For me, one of the most important 3 comments is giving a specific example. I am sure it makes my essay would be more pursuasive. Since I tend to forget to explain why I insist the opinion, I am going to be more careful from now on. And second, I understood that connecting body paragraph with rebuttle is also important from your comments. If they are not connected, readers will be confused and essay doesn't make sense. FInally, it is a small thing, but I think not making mistakes in grammar is really important. I think it is the most basic fact to write essay.
Thanks to your comments, I could notice my weak points. I am not good at writing, but I am going to try to do my best from them.

IE3W-Kana

12/7/2015 09:25:12 pm

First, you gave me the proper quantity of details. I thought that I prepared enough details but noticed that there was too little details in my outline. I have forgot the lengthen of paragraph. Thanks to your corrections, I remembered that body paragraph has to be about 175-200 words. Next, I relearned that the content should be more clear. It is important to explain well. I have to write sentence to understand even if anyones read. Finally, I learned that I shouldn't forget that there are cultural differences when thinking of my topic. My topic that is euthanasia is difficult so I have to understand fully my topic before start writing. You have taunt me not only to add examples but also differences of a sense of value between Japan and the U.S..

IE3W-Miki

12/8/2015 12:03:45 am

The topic of this blog is to give three most important comments. However, I got only two comments from Nicole, so I'll talk about those two. Firstly, she gave me advice that I have to give one or two more details. I realized that specific details are important to make it easier for readers to understand. Secondly, she corrected my grammar mistakes. I do not have confidence in my grammar, so checking grammar by her is very helpful for me. These two are the most important comments for me to write my essay. I'll try hard to write good essay.

IE3W-Shoko

12/8/2015 12:04:49 am

Thank you for your response to my outline.
Firstly, I found out that I had not written some examples. It sure is very important to put in examples to make readers understand easily.
Secondly, I realized that I shouldn't write recommendations. This point was also the points to remember in essay No.1, so it was shock to know that I had put in my thoughts. I think I have to remember it whenever I write essays.
And last point is to write experts' opinions in more details. It was hard for me to choose which data to use in my essay. From next time, I will try to select the data written in detail.
These are three points I realized through your kind response.

William

12/8/2015 12:12:06 am

I learned that I should make sure the materials for my body paragraphs are correct. I didn't know I was wrong. From now on, I will be more careful what I'm writing. Secondly, I learned that I should make my reasons more logical. Just writing down my thoughts isn't going to be effective. I need to have a clearer picture to make my essay more effective. I forgot to write a good example for my essay. It is difficult for me to come up with examples and ideas. I need be more creative than I am know.

IE3W-Yume

12/8/2015 12:28:57 am

Firstly, I think it is important to give a specific example. By doing that, readers will easily understand and support my position. I would like to remember this advice and write a persuasive essay. Secondary, your translation is very helpful for me. Choosing words is important to write impressive essay. I will try to do so by myself by using dictionary more. Lastly, it is important to notice grammar mistake by myself. I would like to revise my essay more. Thank you for your advice.

IE3W-Mizuki

12/8/2015 12:30:59 am

All of your corrections were so helpful for me. The 3 most important comments are to avoid writing more than 2 similar reasons, to change my body paragraph 2 and not to repeat the same information. Thanks to your comments, I noticed that I often write same words and same phrases in my essay. I understand the importance of taking a second look. Moreover, I have to change my topic of body paragraph 2 when I write it. I realized that I should have spent more time to complete outline, so I will write my body paragraph with taking plenty of time and frequently look over. I will try to write my essay that is consent to myself. Thanks for your comments, Nicole!

IE3W-Yu

12/8/2015 12:47:16 am

The comments which you gave me were helpful.
Firstly, to give examples of the effect is important. I wrote sentences only, so it was not persuasive essay. As you pointed out, I would collect it.
Second, your comment for one detail is important. I wrote my body paragraph correctly. However, it does not have details. so, it cannot attract readers.
Finally, in body paragraph#3, I forgot to insert statistics. There was no statistic. so, I could not emphasize my opinion. I learned how important statistic is.

IE3W-Misaki

12/8/2015 12:51:32 am

I can correct my essay, thanks to your comments. The first is about conjunction. I forgot putting coujunctions in topic sentense. The conjunction is important for structure. Nexstly, You commented that more details were necessary. The details are important to tell a reader clearly. finaly. You corrected some sentenses better. I thought that I'd like to write edfective essay by myself.

IE3 Writing: Lesson 10

Leave a Reply.

Categories