IE3 Writing: Lesson 5

5/13/2015

Hi everyone,

I hope you all had a bit of a rest over the Golden Week vacation, and that none of you caught spring fever.

Concluding Paragraph:
In today’s lesson, we looked at the different parts of a concluding paragraph: thesis restatement, body paragraph summaries and a final thought. The most important sentence will be your final thought; you want to leave the reader with a strong impression so that he/she remembers your essay. For your final thought, you can use the following types of sentences:
a. prediction
b. recommendation
c. question
d. quotation

Course Quiz #1:
In next week class (May 20), we will have our first quiz. Make sure you review the following in order to prepare for the quiz:
1. essay structure
2. direct and second-hand quotations
3. how to make a summary

If you cannot attend the test, you must contact me no later than Tuesday evening before 9:00pm. If you are absent due to illness, you will need to provide me with a medical certificate.

Homework:
1. Complete body paragraphs #2 and #3

Email by Monday, May 18 before 12:00 noon.

2. Prepare for our course quiz
3. Blog comment #4

Blog Question #4:

Read through your feedback and corrections on your first body paragraph. What are three specific things you need to pay attention to before you start writing body paragraphs #2 and #3?

Write 10-12 sentences.
Use capitalization, punctuation & spelling correctly.
Submit by Tuesday, May 19 by 6:00pm.

17 Comments

IE3W-Chinatsu

5/16/2015 07:21:45 pm

I think that the specific things we need to pay attention is: including intext citation, giving specific information and writing paragraph not too long.

When I wrote body paragraph 1, although I included the citation in the quote, but I forgot to include intext citations for the statistics. If there's no citation for the statistics, it will make our essay less reliable.So in order to make a more reliable essay, we shouldn't forget to include intext citation.

Giving specific information or examples is important to make our essay more persuasive. The essay without any specific information or examples can't be understood by anyone who have no knowledge about the topic we wrote. So, giving some specific information makes our essay more understandable.

Also, I think that one paragraph should not to be too short or not to be too long. At first, when I wrote paragraph 1, I couldn't summarize what I want to write within the limits. If we write a paragraph too long, it will make essay less clearly and be difficult to understand. Therefore, we should summarize what we want to write in order to make our essay more easy to understand.

If we pay attention such points, our essay will be better and it'll be easy to understand for anyone.

IE3W-Fumio

5/16/2015 10:36:48 pm

The three points that I need to pay attention to before I start writing the body paragraphs are: using Italics for titles of the sources, making sure whether or not I need an in-text citation for the sentence that I write and not quoting an entire paragraph and paraphrasing it.

Firstly, I should pay attention to the titles of books or journals that I use in my essay and make sure to use Italic form.

Secondly, if the state I make can be considered as a fact, I do not have to put in-text citation. However, if the fact is arguable by people who read my essay, I need to put the citation. This would be political and historical matters. Even if it is considered as a fact in one country, it could be false information in another country for example.

Thirdly, I need to be careful with not quoting an entire long paragraph from the source. If I can divide the quote into a coupe of parts, I need to paraphrase it in my own words. However, I still need to learn how and when to paraphrase it.

I should really be careful with these points above to make my essay better.

IE3W-Midori

5/17/2015 12:22:15 am

I think the first point I need to remember before we write our body paragraph 2 and 3 is not to make careless mistakes. For example, I made tense and preposition mistakes. I have often made this kind of mistakes since I was a junior and senior high school student, so I will keep this in mind when I write my body paragraphs.

The second point is to obey manners of academic writing. For example, I made a mistake in ways of writing the date and quotation. I think it is very important to learn and make use of such manners even after we graduate and work for companies, so I want to master them as much as I can.

The third point is to think about what is the best sentence connector depending on the situation. If we can use correct sentence connectors, the whole essay will be much better.

The fourth point is that we should mainly summarize the supporting sentences in the concluding sentence. I first thought we should write results derived from contents in supporting sentences. However, I learned that summarizing again in the concluding sentences makes the insistence in supporting sentences clearer.

IE3W-Shusei

5/17/2015 01:27:59 am

Since I was absent, I have to write this blind however, I do have few ideas with me.

It was hard not to forget to include quotations. I only wrote essays from my thoughts. Also, writing where I got my information was whole new idea to me.

Sadly, I have no Idea how well I did my body paragraph 1. Before I wrote my bp 2 and 3, I reread my sources so I know what I am writing about. It is hard to write correctly blind.

Lastly, I tried to write it objectively. Ielts and Toefl asks to write an essay subjectively. It was tempting to use I and you. But I somehow refrained and avoided it.

IE3W-Aoi

5/17/2015 12:54:10 pm

The first thing I need to pay attention to before writing body paragraph 2 and 3 is to include paragraph number after the quote. In paragraph 1, I forgot to include paragraph number after the quote because I was paying attention only to include quote in essay. It might be a little thing but the little thing makes your essay better.

The second thing is not to forget to write concluding sentences. It was a little hard for me to come up with good concluding sentences. I think I need more practice to be good at writing concluding sentences.

The last thing is to think how you write sentences more carefully. How I wrote in my first paragraph was not wrong but I could have written them in more
appropriate way. For example, I wrote " to be dark chocolate....." but I should have written " to be considered dark chocolate....."

If I keep these points in my mind, I think I will be able to write better essay.

IEW-Azusa

5/17/2015 11:38:31 pm

The first thing that I have to be careful is not to make grammatical mistakes as I mentioned in the last blog post. Although I tried not to make grammatical mistakes, I had a lot this time too. I think I had many phrase mistakes, so I also should be be careful for that.

The second thing to be aware of is to cut off unnecessary phrases. I was thinking that my essay is too long, but I couldn't cut the content well.To avoid this, I have to choose shorter way of saying things. Also, I have to avoid writing too much detail.

The last thing is to write same numbers of examples for each part. For example, I wrote two names of composers from Burgandy and only one from Flanders.
I think writing same number of examples would make it more reliable.

By keeping these things to be done, I think I can make the essay much better.

IE3W-Soichiro

5/18/2015 12:53:25 am

What I have to be careful in my two other body paragraphs is to put more information in them.
My first body paragraph was too short and lacked specific information. If the information in the paragraphs are too short, the reader will not understand what I would like to tell him or her, making the sentences pointless.

The second thing I have to be careful about is to write the quotes properly in the correct tense.Without doing this, the reader will not be able to tell who and when the words were said. Quotes are an important issue on getting to know other people's ideas, so I must be especially careful about how to write them.

Finally, I've got to be careful on how I format my sentences. Though it may seem a matter of course, writing the paragraphs according to the proper format is an indispensable skill. I would like to pay attention at any times when I submit my work. I think it is OK to practice how to write and make mistakes, but doing the same wrong thing over and over again is useless. I would like to keep that in mind.

IE3W-Yuto

5/18/2015 12:37:44 pm

The most important thing that I completely forgot about was to add quotes to my paragraphs. To start with my first problem, I should have found a better source, because on my sources, it is hard to find good quotes.
Another problem I probably need to fix is that the ideas sometimes have either too long ideas or too short considering how the other ideas were longer. I should try to make all ideas about the same length unless they are key ideas which requires more information.

IE3W Kana

5/18/2015 12:52:16 pm

Or thing I need to pay attention to before I start writing my second and third paragraph is to use italics for the title of bands. I think it is easy to forget to use italics because I usually don't issue that form when I write my favorite bands' names. But since this is an essay, I should remember and must use the correct form.

The second thing I have to remember is to check the correct citation form. When I wrote my first paragraph, I was able to include a quote with the citation. But sadly, it wasn't written in the right way, so I should look over the papers we were given in class about the ways to write citations.

The third thing I should think of is to check the meaning of symbols. In my first paragraph, I used a semicolon where I needed to use a colon. The semicolon is used to link two independent clauses that are connected in thought, and the colon is used when you what is stated before it. I need to understand the differences and should not make the same mistake again.

IE3W-Luke

5/18/2015 01:21:31 pm

The first thing I have to remember is to use 3rd persons point of view. I explained about my topic in a 1st persons point of view, so I have to be careful about that.

The next thing I have to be careful about is to watch out for grammatical mistakes. I had some mistakes that were pointed out in body paragraph #1. I also have to be careful to capitalise where ever is necessary. For example, when was introducing an album or a song, I didn't capitalise the first letter of the album name.

I think the most important thing that I need to pay attention to is to put more information in the body paragraphs. I lacked information for my quotes, and forgot the in text citation.

These are the things I think I need to be careful about when I write body paragraphs.

IE3W-Mio

5/18/2015 02:20:58 pm

The three things I need to pay attention to before I start writing body paragraph 2 and 3 are to give specific details, write quote correctly and write the paper in right way.
I wrote "highest number of tourists" and "both parks' admission fee are going up" but this is too vague so I need to give specific number of people and ticket price. In this way it will be more detailed.
We learned how to write quotes but in body paragraph 1, I made mistakes. You don't need to write period before quotation mark. And don't have to capitalize the letter when you write citation.
Writing the paper correctly is important too. I forgot to index first and realize that I can't change the line while writing a paragraph.

IE3W-Aira

5/18/2015 03:00:22 pm

he three thing I need to pay attention before writing paragraph 2 and 3 is give a name of expert,give some example and avoid gramatical mistakes
In paragraph 1 , I forgot to write exprt's name. I think it is essential to write it because you need to give exact information when you are writing formal essey.

The next thing I have to becareful is give more examples. By giving more information, we can convince reader that what I am writing is true.

Third, I felt that my essay has to many gramatical mistakes. I need to be careful when I write paragraph 2 and 3.

These are things I need to be careful at .

IE3W-Kanta

5/18/2015 06:03:07 pm

I realized there were many things I have to pay attention to when writing my body paragraph 2 and 3, after recieving my feedback.
First of all, I need to use third person. In my body paragraph 1, I was writing in first person, and when writting an essay you can't use first person.
Secondly, I need to be more specific and give more examples in my essay. I would be nice if I could use an intext citation.
Lastly, I need a concluding sentence. Without a concluding sentence, my paragraph would end up with no conclusion.
I would like to write my body paragraph 2 and 3 paying attention to these three things.

IE3W-William Haruki

5/18/2015 06:18:53 pm

The things I need to pay attention to when writing my body paragraphs 2&3 are quite simple.

I need to remember to use proper intext citations when using a quote, as it is what distinguishes it from a piece of "emphasized" text. It also prevents plagarism.

I also need to be careful with repeating myself, as over repetition can lead to confusing the reader, which is never a good thing for a piece of writing. I need to find phrases that would get the same message across, without being repetetive.

In addition, I need to be careful with the occasional grammatical errors, and try not to overlook them. Careless mistakes, when built up, can cause considerable damage, and that is something I want to avoid.

IE3W Nodoka

5/18/2015 06:29:11 pm

One of the specific thing that I have to pay attention to while writing the body paragraphs is the form to put in use cite sources. In the first paragraph, I made a mistake on putting in cite sources. I will check how to put in the cite source again.

Another thing is that I may have put too much information about the food. Since my topic is about food, I have to describe what the food is. However, I think that I have put too much information of the ingredents or how it is cooked. For the rest of the body paragrah I will try to put more about how that food describe that region.

Therefore, I will pay attention to these two points and write the rest of the paragrahs.

IE3W-Takahide

5/18/2015 06:52:47 pm

The three specific things I have to pay attention before writing paragraphs 2 and 3 are: give more information, write all the information I want to say within the word limit, and use correct word choices.
First, is to give information. Since it is the body paragraph, there sould be many information to make the reader understand the topic.
Second, is to write all the information you want to include in the paragraph. Writing tons of information may be a good essay but making a word limit and making the essay simple can be better for the reader.
Last, is to use proper word choices. It is important to use words that are easy to imagine so that the information gets in to the reader correctly.
These three are th points that I will keep in mind when writing the rest of my body paragraphs.

IE3W-Tomomi

5/18/2015 09:58:53 pm

The first thing I need to remember before writing body paragraph is to include specific examples. My first paragraph turned out to be too general without it and were also unconvincing.

Second thing is to write in-text citation with details. Again, my citation was too general.

Last thing is to remember to write a conclusion. I have forgotten to include it for my first paragraph.

By remembering this three things, I think I can write better essay.

IE3 Writing: Lesson 5

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