IE3 Writing: Lesson 10

6/17/2015

Hi everyone,

Wow! We were sure busy in today's lesson. We had a lot to cover, but we got through everything. We'll have a short review of paraphrasing in next week's lesson to reinforce this new writing skill.

Body Paragraphs:
We had a short review of how to organize your ideas in your body paragraphs. Once again, you will need to use funnel organization. This means that information is arranged in this way:
a. general --> topic sentence with subtopic
b. less general --> supporting ideas
c. specific --> details

We also reviewed the different types of details that you can use in your body paragraph:
a. expert opinions
b. statistics
c. descriptions
d. facts

Keep in mind that descriptions and facts over overlap with each other. Many writers often use facts in their descriptions.

Paraphrasing:
We also learned about paraphrasing in today's class. This is another way we can include information into our research papers from our sources. When you paraphrase, you put the author’s ideas into your own words. Even if you want to use general facts from your source, you still have to paraphrase this information.

Remember that some paraphrases need in-text citation and some paraphrases do not require it.

general facts do NOT need in-text citation
opinions, statistics and information that is not common knowledge NEED in-text citation

Before you paraphrase, you have to identify shared language (= words that you cannot change) and find synonyms for words that you can change. This is the most important step in writing a good paraphrase.

This is a difficult skill to master and it often takes a long time to paraphrase information. I even have trouble paraphrasing when I have to prepare research papers, too. Be patient and don’t give up!

Outlines:
We also looked at how to prepare an outline. For your outlines, you need to include:
a. Topic sentences (in sentence-form)
b: supporting ideas (two for each body paragraph)
c. details (2 details for each supporting idea).

Remember that you can use note-form for your supporting ideas and details. You don't have to use sentence-form.

For your outlines, you need to download the "Outline Template" from the Writing-->Persuasion Essay section on the website. It has also been uploaded in a file at the end of today's lesson summary.

Homework:
1. Blog Comment #8
2. Complete Outline

due Monday, June 22 before 12:00 noon
download the Outline template to prepare your outline

3. Complete Bibliography

due Tuesday, June 23 before 12:00 noon.

Blog Question #8:

Read through your feedback on your introduction. The blue comments/corrections are for content/structure; and the red comments are for grammar.

Which three comments/corrections are the most important for you to help you write your body paragraphs? Why?

*Write 8-10 sentences.
*Use capitalization, punctuation & spelling correctly.
*Submit by Tuesday, June 22 by 6:00pm.

14 Comments

IE3-Aira

6/19/2015 09:34:36 pm

Three corrections which I thought will help my body paragraph are examples, avoid first person and writing general facts.
First, it is important to write various examples because it will make my essay more faithful. In my introduction, my essay looks flimsy since I have less examples.
Next is avoid first person. In the formal essay we should not forget about this. I often make this mistake, so I should keep this on mind.
Last one is avoid writting general facts. Generl facts will make your essay more childish so it will be necessary to avoid it in the formal essay.

IE3W-Chinatsu

6/20/2015 03:36:31 pm

I think that the three corrections which is important for me to write the body paragraph are: including the in-text citation for an unknown fact, to use the grammar correctly and to make the sentence short by using shared languages.

At first, I forgot the rule that in-text citation is needed not only for statistics but also for unknown facts. By using citation, my essay will have more reliablity so I should keep in mind to include in-text citation.

Actually, this time there are few mistakes on the structrure but on the other hand there are a lot of grammatical mistakes. I think this is a big problem and most of them is my careless mistakes. What I should do to write the body paragraph is to check the paragraph whether there are no grammatical mistakes or not.

When I receive the feedback and check my introduction, I found that my sentence is too long. As a result, I made my essay difficult to understand. So I'll use the shared language to make my essay not to be long and to make my essay simple to understand.

By keeping in mind these points, I wish my essay will be better than the first essay.

IE3W-Midori

6/20/2015 06:24:38 pm

First, I have to use proper articles such as “a” and “the”. I made several mistakes in my introduction, and I have made such mistakes many times since I was a junior and senior high school student. I think I must be more careful when I use articles because it shows whether affairs have already become the topic or not.

Second, I have to write percentages and citations when I use statistics. I think this is important because giving detail makes essays more reliable. Actually, I learned how to organize statistical data in a different lecture, so I want to make use of it next time.

Third, I have to simplify sentences. I often write sentences in a roundabout way, and it is a little difficult to understand. Therefore, I think I should simplify sentences to make them easy to understand and lessen word counts.

IE3W-Fumio

6/21/2015 09:04:42 am

This time I inserted an irrelevant sentence in my introduction and the comment said I should cut it out and told what I should write instead. I think that is the most important comment for me to help me write the body paragraphs. It is because now I have some more idea what to write and what not to write in the body paragraph.

Secondly, red comments, which are paraphrasing corrections, are also very important for me. It is because they allow me to understand the topic better. I have just realized that paraphrasing basically means explaining in other words.Thus, they help me write the body paragraph more comprehendingly.

Lastly, the grammatical corrections especially the ones, which are to do with articles are also very helpful. It is because for a non-native English speaker like me, it is very difficult to put them correctly. However, I can apply corrected ones to the body paragraphs if I have to use the word in the same context.

IE3W-Takahide

6/21/2015 09:07:44 am

I think all the feedbacks are important. I thought deeply which type of comment was most important but it made me realize that every type is essential and important. For example, grammar is important ofcourse to make sure the sentences make sense. Word choices as well to make the reader interested in the essay. Also, giving us new ideas is very helpful to re-write the halfway finished sentences and to write the continuation of the essay. Moreover, comments that tell us good points make us happy and increases our motivation. For these reasons, all the comments are helpful and important. Therefore, it is very difficult to decide on which comment is the most helpful comment.

IE3W-Shusei

6/21/2015 09:28:09 pm

As usual, I made many grammar mistakes so I need to be careful next time.
Also I never knew that expression "pick you poison" is actually a slang. I know that spoken English is not appropriate, but that was unexpected.
The correction in the very end was helpful to me. The reason is that it was more clearer. Perhaps I need to split sentences more. Next time I will try to use more strong and clear words. But in overall, there was only one comment to note so I shall keep this trend.

IE3W-WilliamHaruki

6/22/2015 04:16:52 am

Three points that I need to be careful about when writing my body paragraphs are: avoiding writing in first person; avoiding using unclear word choices; and to write CDs instead of CD's.
Other than that there were a few grammatical or word selection errors that can easily be corrected. The main issue would be to not write in first person, which I need to be careful about. Other than that, I don't think I have much else to watch out for.

IE3W-Kana

6/22/2015 12:06:33 pm

One of the corrections that was important for me to write my body paragraphs is that I need to use a capital "A" for "Article 9". Since Article 9 is a proper noun, I need to use capital letters for it. I should keep this in mind since there are going to be a lot of proper nouns in my body paragraphs.

My second correction that I paid attention to was that I need to make my statements clear. When I wrote about how there are organizations working against the revision of Article 9, I didn't write about who they were. I should write more specifically since this is a persuasion essay.

The third thing is that I should not repeat the same things over and over again. I tend to repeat the same kind of sentence (but in different words), but I now understand that doing so in unnecessary. So I will try not to repeat the same statements.

IE3W-Mio

6/22/2015 12:16:14 pm

The three most important comments that I have to keep in mind is that give examples of countries, give specific reasons and don't write information that doesn't directly connect to my opinion.
I wrote definition of the legal drinking age and I didn't write the specific countries on purpose because I thought that information is not that important. But by getting Nicole's comment, I figured out that I need to.
I thought I have written two reasons why I am for lowering the drinking age but I didn't so I had to think about it again.
When I searched about my topic, I found this page about stopping underage drinking. I thought it good so I wrote it but it didn't directly connect to the topic.
Actually, my opinion when I wrote my introduction was the drinking age should not be lowered and kept at 20 but I turned it into the drinking age should be lowered.

IE3W-Soichiro

6/22/2015 01:05:49 pm

What I should be aware of most is not to use irrelevant information in my sentences. I tend to get sidetracked and start writing about other things, so I would like to consentrate on what I am writing at all times. Also, I need proper information. If the information I made a research on is incorrect, people who read my essay will get false information on the topic, and there will be no meaning on writing the whole thing. Finally, must make my position clear and start on my writing. If I do not have a clear view on the topic, I will not be able to make correct suggestions, so I would like to look through my theme again. A persuasion essay is ment to persuade other people on what yot think about. I would like to keep that in mind and write my essay.

IE3W-Yuto

6/22/2015 01:08:18 pm

I have not received my corrections yet, but I believe that I have not inserted a in-text citation. I probably did not insert a citation in general. I also need to keep in mind that I have to write clearly about the reasons why I am in position of approving lowering the drinking and smoking age down to 18 years old in Japan. In my future writing, I would need to research more about the reason why drinking and smoking age could be lowered.

IE-W Azusa

6/22/2015 02:22:08 pm

As I did in the last essay, I made a lot of grammatical mistakes and word organizing mistakes. For example, I wrote charging fee for ambulance. But, I found that it is more easier to just write “to introduce ambulance fee" or “ambulance fee" from your corrections.
I also wrote“even not in serious situations". However this can be changed into"non-serious occasions".
By trying to avoid these mistakes,I can make my essay much easier to understand .
To avoid this, I strictly have to re-check my essay before I submit.
I also miss organized my bibliography. I forgot to organize it alphabetically.

IE3W-Aoi

6/22/2015 03:29:35 pm

I think the most important comment for me to help me write body paragraphs is to pay attention to my use of subjects. I didn't care so much about it when I wrote introduction. So it was hard to know what I wanted the focus of my sentences to be.

Second comment I thought it was important is to include transition such as "in addition" or "however" between sentences. Why I thought it was important is because they make essay easier to understand for reader.

Last important thing is to think how I write sentences carefully. It's similar to the first point, but I got a lot of grammatical comments this time. I learned that I can write same meanings in different ways of writing which are better and more effective.

IE3W-Tomomi

6/22/2015 03:49:04 pm

Firstly, I have to avoid using first person. I have made the same mistakes in my first essay too. I keep on forgetting it so this time I'd like to make sure not to.
Secondly, grammar mistakes. I am terrible at grammars and have made many mistakes already in my introduction.
Thirdly, examples. My writing is always too general. This time it is ａ persuading essay so I need to be more specific to make my essay strong.

IE3 Writing: Lesson 10

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